Friday, 14 November 2008
Fridays Fable- Relationships
Arthur J Elsley - Learning to Swim
When I was younger I had the naive belief that everyone I met was my friend. I believed that everyone I was acquainted with liked me. I really couldn't understand when my Dad used to tell me that I was surrounding myself with people who were definitely not my friends.
As life progressed a little I became slightly savvier, I took a few knocks along the way, some of them were huge, I had some pretty awful experiences and realised that people are not always as they seem.
It seems only on reaching my middle age, have I managed to acquire better skills in people evaluation.
It now seems to have turned a full circle and quite often in recent years I have looked at some of my sons "so called" friends with the knowledge that they are not friends at all, they have their own agenda.
Yet, in there, there are also some "gems".
So, I got to thinking just how do you distinguish "real people" because it really isn't easy? This applies to both relationships and partnerships.
I have made some pretty awful decisions in my life in respect of people. Yet since those awful decisions, I have read some fabulous articles after the event that would have made me a whole lot wiser. I often get asked by people who are going into a relationship if "I" think this person is the genuine article. Ha! How do I know? I don't have a brilliant track record myself.
However, if you are planning marriage or a long term relationship with someone, I would highly recommend this article. In fact read it anyway, it is a great article for evaluating friendships too.
Although this is aimed at women and partnerships, I think it is quite easily applicable to all relationships because the "controller" that this Dr describes can be found anywhere and can be of any sex. A lot like the Martini advert!
I love the line about controllers "preaching sugar whilst practicing poison" and that is the key. People who are not what they seem often have a hidden agenda but are very practiced at hiding it. The one thing I have noticed above all else though is that rarely can they keep the falseness up for any period of time. These are a few things that are worth remembering:
1. Genuine friends are reciprocal.
2. If they are unkind to waiters/waitresses, eventually they will be unkind to you.
3. Beware of people who suffer lots of misfortune and it is "always somebody else's fault".
4. Be wary of anyone that requests you lend them money.
5. If you are acquainted with someone that builds you up and knocks you down on the same day, be very careful. take heed of these words "Essentially, they feed off our uncertainties about our selves. Find that shy, heart-broken or traumatized part of yourself and make friends with it. Get close to it, and it will help protect you from his deceptions, deceits, and ultimately, his inevitably egotistical scorn."
Are Friends Delight or Pain? by Emily Dickinson
Are Friends Delight or Pain?
Could Bounty but remain
Riches were good --
But if they only stay
Ampler to fly away
Riches are sad.
The other side of the coin is those people that do provide you with constant support, love and sensitivity. Think about it, because invariably you do know who they are, there probably won't be too many of them. The people who care or love you unreservedly are the ones to cherish and of course they are the ones in which you need to invest your time :D